It's Tuesday kids, and you know what that means:
1. Stuffing: baked inside the turkey, or separately? However the cook makes it is fine with me.
2. Fresh or frozen turkey? I'm a picky eater and I don't pick turkey. I am rather keen on ham though.
3. Cranberry sauce: jellied or whole berry? Definitely jellied. I don't like the real thing.
4. Stay home or visit friends/relatives? I don't cook, so I have to go if I want to eat. I used to visit my sister, but she moved back home so now I visit friends because all of my family is too far away.
5. Do you cook Thanksgiving dinner, or let someone else do it? See above
6. Traditional turkey dinner, or an alternative (such as vegetarian)? Traditional turkey (and ham), please
7. Regular potatoes or sweet potatoes? Gotta have sweet. Oh yum.
8. Homemade gravy, or the jarred stuff? Not too keen on gravy, but thanks for asking
9. What part of the turkey do you prefer...dark or white meat? See above
10. After dinner: football or Christmas movies? Sleep

White people are made out of cheese, and black people are made out of brownies. Did you know that? It's true because my 5 year daughter said so.

Yesterday was "Take a Relative to the Doctor Day". I need to go to the doctor my damn self. I had an abnormal pap while I was pregnant and they saw some "unusual" cells upon deeper investigation, but like they suspected, the birthing process pushed those bad boys right out of me. But I'm past that 6 month timeframe to get another check. Plus everyone should get a mammogram around 40 unless you have a close relative who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Then you should get the test 10 years before the age they were diagnosed. For example, if your mother was diagnosed at 35, you should have your first mammogram at 25. My dear sister is poised to take a mammogram to learn if the treatments she's undergone for the past year for breast cancer have been successful. She was diagnosed last year at age 32. What am I waiting for? I don't have a problem going to the doctor. I don't get a giggle out of it, but I usually view it as no big deal, so why do I have a problem when it is a big deal? I think it's more than the news I my get, it's facing my own mortality. I don't want to die a horrible, painful death. A diagnosis from a doctor normally means a horrible, painful death. I can deal with knowing that I have cancer, it's the pain I can't handle. Tell me I'm diabetic, just don't tell me I have to give myself shots. One of my most irrational fears is a fear of being in pain. That's why I don't do certain things. I would never go bungy jumping. It looks like a lot of fun, but I see too much potential for pain. The same goes for getting a tattoo, rock climbing, getting my nose pierced, going to the dentist, giving blood, and going to the doctor when I know I should.

Here's my this or that, but not on tuesday.

1. Long or short hair? Long, easier to pull into a ponytail and go
2. Microwave or conventional oven? Microwave. i hate to cook. that's why i'm so in awe of those who do
3. Plain or Peanut M&M's? Peanuts, no doubt
4. "101 Dalmations"...animated or live-action version? live. glenn close is priceless
5. Drink out of bottle/can or pour into a glass? bottle,please. unless i'm trying to act prissy
6. Sunlight or moonlight? both can be fun
7. Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy packs a punch
8. Glasses or contact lenses (or neither)? contacts that i wear for weeks at a time and yes, i know that's bad
9. Action movies or chick flicks? action. i'm not a touchy feely type gal
10. Toilet seat...up or down ? down, i'm still a gal. just don't touch me, please


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This is funny. This is gross.

Don't you just love those journals that have a list of blogs they read everyday and it's like 20 of them? Do they really read 20 blogs a day? Do those people really update their blogs everyday to warant these obsessive visits? There are many blogs that I enjoy reading, but kill me if I ever put them under a listing of daily reads and there's more than 3, okay? I do read livingnappy just about daily because I'm looking for her posts about what she cooks and I like to steal (borrow without asking?) her questionaires, but that's about it. I thought when I started this blog a couple of months ago that it would just be a fun way for me to let off some steam. I wasn't looking to be lyrically enchanting or terribly interesting to tons of people, that's what websites are for. A journal is just that, a journal. A place you write without trying to impress the masses. Instead I feel as if I've become the new kid in school and I'm too scared to enter into a circle of kids for fear of rejection. I almost relapsed into my old insecurities and starting thinking of ways to make this spot interesting so that you would like me, but then the new me kicked in and said, "Screw them! You're doing this for you, not them." That's right, gosh darn it!!

It's This or That Tuesday. Here we go...

1. Dr. Seuss characters: the Cat in the Hat or the Grinch? This is hard. The Cat in the Hat has so much fun, but the Grinch is just a little snot. I love them both.

2. "Anne of Green Gables" or "Little Women"? Little Women

3. Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys? Nancy because she was a tough little cookie

4. Winnie the Pooh characters: Tigger or Eeyore? Tigger

5. Which author: Judy Blume or Beverly Cleary? Judy "We must, we must, we must increase our bust" Blume

6. Roald Dahl books: "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory" (Willy Wonka) or "James & the Giant Peach"? I just wwatched Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and I still sit there fasinated by it all

7. "Harry Potter" or "The Wizard of Oz"?Harry's cool

8. Curious George or Madeline?Georgie Pooh

9. "A Wrinkle in Time" or "Little House on the Prairie"?Little House by default. I never read Winkle

10. Dr. Seuss again: "Horton Hears a Who" or "The Lorax" "Horton Hears a Who"

I love answering these questions.
1.What’s on your bedside table?: If I had a bedside table, it would probably be a Vanilla coke, a clock and a book
2.What’s the geekiest part of your music collection?:My New Kids on the Block. I don't care if it's geeky. I won't give it up.
3.What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?:I usually get some pop.
4.What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?:Imitation of Life. Who doesn't cry at Mahalia Jackson singing at the funeral?
5.If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?:I'm a thick girl. I'd want to take some off, not put more on, so I'd go with a tummy tuck.
6.Do you have a completely irrational fear?:Fish freak me out
7.What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?:I hide my insecurity very well, thank you very much
8.Do you ever have to beg?: Sometimes that's part of the game
9.Do you know anyone famous?:No, but I know tons of people who do. (Who doesn't, right?). My mom grew up with the black dude in the orginal Mod Squad series. That may be the coolest one because his 'fro was so cool.
10.Describe your bed:Filled to capacity with me and 2 kids
11.Who should play you in a movie about your life?:Me.
12.Spontaneous or plan?: A little bit of both.
13.Do you know how to play poker?: No.
14.What do you carry with you at all times?: My kids
15.How do you drive?: A lot slower now that I have kids in the car
16.What do you miss most about being little?:Playtime
17.What color is your bedroom?:white
18.What was the last song you were listening to?:Whatever was on the radio. I don't remember
19.Have you ever been in a school play?:Nope, not my cup of tea
20.Have you ever been in love?:But, of course. All the time. As often as possible. On rainy days, on sunny days. You get the picture.
21.Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?:I do now, thank you Mary, Joseph and Jesus!!
22.Do you think you’re cute?:As a matter of fact, I do.
23.Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?:Yes, I am. Most of the time at least. Well, just don't piss me off

I did it. My daughter will be 6 in two months and this morning for the first time, I said those dreaded words, "You'd better be quiet before I give you something to cry about!" It was horrible. Not because my daughter was crying, she was being a little snot, but because this means that I am now officially an adult. 32 birthdays was not enough to convince me that I'm a grown up, but those words sure do. Paying bills, going to work and not calling off every Monday because you partied too hard that week-end, having kids, buying a house or car, acting responsible, none of that makes you an adult. Repeating the words your parents said, that you swore you would never say to your children is what makes you grown. Adios childhood. RIP. You will be missed.

My son crawled for the first time yesterday. Yea! I'm very excited because up until this point it's been that snake crawl where he slithers along on his belly, but just out of the blue, I sat him down and he started crawling along like a pro. He may be walking by 9 or 10 months like his sister at this rate. Go, Baby Boy!!!

I went to my daughter's school today and had lunch with her. It was cool. That's something I will miss when I go back to work. I enjoy just popping up at the school to show her that I was thinking about her. It also sends a message to the teachers that I'm involved in my children's lives. I'm not one of those parents that believe that all I have to do is make sure they get to class and the rest is up to the teacher.
I saw this on Dr Phil and had to go check out this web site. See if it pisses you off as much as it did me. The link to Vanessa is especially disturbing. Some people doen't deserve to be parents.

Here's my Tuesday's This or That a day late.

1. Hershey's Kisses: with or without almonds? Gotta be without

2. Wizard of Oz: Scarecrow or Tin Man? I rather partial to those lollipop munchkins

3. Meat eater or vegetarian? Definitely a big ol' fat meat eater

4. Buy books or borrow them? The library is my friend because I'm too broke to buy at the moment

5. At the bank: ATM or human teller? ATM. I hate waiting in line

6. Oil or gas (or other) heat? Don't care about this one

7. Pen or pencil? There's nothing like just the right pen for a writer like me-self

8. Drive or use public transit? I have an infant so I drive, but public is nice. Watching rush hour traffic is better than driving through it, especially when you have a stick shift

9. Who IS James Bond: Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan (or any of the others in between)? Sean Connery

10. Your ideal breakfast: full (bacon/sausage, eggs, pancakes, etc) or continental (bagels, muffins, fruit, cereal)? Sausage, scrambled eggs with cheese, pancakes with lots of syrup and a huge glass of ice cold milk (2%, please)

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I just wanted to say that there's nothing more precious than having your child laying on you quietly snoring away. I love my babies.

I'm back!!!!!!
Did you miss me? I have been so consumed with getting my life straight that I haven't had a lot of time to play around on the internet. I'm running out of time. The lady that's allowing me to stay with her hasn't said anything, but I don't want to wear out my welcome. It was never meant for me to stay here long term and I feel like already it's been too long. So I am looking for a place to stay, which isn't very easy when you don't have a job. All I've been offered by way of employment is minimum wage positions. You do the math. With childcare being $150 a week for my 2 kids, under $6 a hour just won't cut it. So I'm trying to find an apartment that goes according to income (translation: da ghetto) so that I can move with my $320 a month from the government. For those of you who may think that welfare receipiants are sitting around sucking up tax payers money, think again. First of all, up until I had my son 7 months ago, I was a tax payer. Most people on welfare worked at some point in their lives, so they helped build the fund they are in need of now. I am searching for gainful employment, but I am struggling to find something to cover day care costs, let alone put food on the table. Second, $320 is the maximun amount allowed to a family of 3 where I live. I also get $360 in food stamps. Once again I say "you do the math." Or better yet, challenge yourself to walk a mile in my shoes. Make a vow to live in $320 next month. I'm not talking in spending money. I'm talking $320 period. To pay any bills, buy toilet paper. School lunch, gas for your car. Tampons, diapers. A doll for your daughter's birthday. It ain't easy. It's down right depressing. Even more so when you know you're doing what you can to make a better life for yourself and your children. I'm tired of sending out resumes and getting no response, or calling the unemployment office or other agencies I've registered with to get assistance to find a job, and being told they have nothing. But I can't give up. I have to constantly put myself out there, to be slapped down. Thank God for my girl and boy who just smile and I'm lifted back up. Life sure sucks, but God is good.