I did it. I moved back home. Relocating in a couple of months is not out of the picture. More details to follow....

don't you sometimes wonder how they come up with these quizes. or better yet, why you keep doing them?
according to this one, i'm crazy. well, duh!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

It's Tuesday, you know what that means, doncha?

1. Real or artificial tree?
My sister was allergic to the real ones so we always had artificial trees growing up and I've just gotten used to them. So much less hassle.

2. Real or artificial wreath?
See answer #1

3. Open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (or do you do another holiday such as Hannukkah)?
Christmas Day and Kwanzaa. This year I'm visiting my kid's grandma on the 20th, so I'll get to open those gifts then. Yea!

4. "It's A Wonderful Life" or "Miracle on 34th Street"?
The old version of "Miracle on 34th Street", please.

5. Outdoor decorations, or just indoors?
Mostly indoors. I may do one or two outside. Like a wreath or something. I won't be up on no ladder doing lights.

6. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" or "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"?
Rudolph is my man!

7. Miniature lights or the larger ones?
As a kid we had the larger ones, but now I'm partial to the small ones. That whole less is more thing.

8. Store-bought or hand-made ornaments?
Mostly store, but when you have kids you can't help but have some hand-made. We also have a few that my sisters and I made as children which is pretty cool.

9. TV Specials: The Grinch or Charlie Brown?
Definitely the Grinch.

10. Will you be staying at home for the holiday, or going visiting?
Christmas is normally spent at my sister's back home. This year I'm going home for Christmas and staying.

I wonder if they have a 12-step program for people who watch Style Network. I'm addicted.

I was reading through my posts from a couple of days ago and I was getting really angry. I was in an abusive relationship, but I didn't stay. I got out. It was mentally and verbally abusive for a long time, but not physical. He hit me once and I forgave him. He did it again and I left. There was no protection for me when I left. None. I went to court and it was suggested that I drop the charges. Assault would be difficult to prove. Domestic situations normally are. His calling me stopped when I changed my number, but I couldn't change my work number. Every day I received harrassing phone calls, but the cops was never there so it was my word against his. I endured my car windows being busted out, bricks thrown threw my living room window. Verbal threats. He attacked a male friend of mine (in front of my daughter) because he thought we were having a relationship and I had to pull my child away from being hit by a stray fist. And you know what court date came up first? The one granting him visitation. So according to my lawyer, I would have to go to court, he would most likely be awarded some type of visitation and I would have to comply. Whether or not he paid child support was not an issue. The fact that I feared him was not an issue. The only thing that mattered was that he was the father and had a right to see his child. Even if he was an alcoholic and drank and smoked weed in her presence. These were issues to be debated later. After he killed her in a drunken accident. Or after he got drunk, got pissed and got in a fight with her sitting in the car watching like he did with some friend and his 2 year old son. Or any of the other scenerios I could think of. Why do I sit here 2 years later struggling and he lives life fancy free? Where's the justice in that? I think I'll go watch "The Burning Bed" and live vicariously through her (was is Farrah Fawcett?)

My sister is excited to think that I may be moving back to Ohio. It will be cool to have the 3 of us living in the same city again. The first time in almost 10 years. The reasons suck: my middle sister's battle with breast cancer, and my being tired of living in poverty. But man is it cold in Ohio. It's 40 degrees here today and I'm dying, I can't imagine living where it gets to cold to snow. Did you know that? If the temperature drops too low, it will actually stop snowing. So it's possible for Ohio to get more snowfall in a year than colder places like Alaska. It stays colder longer in Alaska, so the snow takes longer to melt. I don't think that it will happen, but it is possible for Ohio to have more "new" snowfall than Alaska in any given year. Knowing that useless piece of information, I ask you, "Why would I want to move back there?" I live by the ocean. It's a big deal if we get more than 1 inch of snow at a time. I want to stay. I get a giggle every time I see one of those bumper stickers that say "If it's called tourist season, why can't we shoot them?" I want my beach, not man made rivers. I want to wear sandles for 9 months out of the year.

I'm tired of struggling. I've being scraping by for the past 2 years and I'm just ready to say, "Uncle." This is just ridiculous. I thought getting away from an abusive situation was supposed to make your life easier. Why aren't there more programs out there to assist women who leave? Just moving back to Ohio puts me in harm's way, even if I don't go back to the relationship. But I'm running out of options here. My kids deserve a mommy who's not stressed out about where we're going to live, or what we're going to eat. They also deserve a mommy who's not stressed out when the next fist is coming. Talk about fucked up options: food or a fist.

I can't believe it's Tuesday already. Here we go with This or That...
1. Go out and buy gifts, or shop online/mail order? It's an annual tradition. My middle sister and I go back to our home state and together with our oldest sister do almost all of our shopping together.
2. Gift cards/certificates or pick out gifts? Depends on the person. My oldest sister and niece are extremely hard to shop for because they are so picky, so I get gift certificates for them. The rest I buy or make their gifts.
3. Pay cash or charge holiday gifts? Cash ONLY
Are most of your gifts mailed or given in person? All are given in person, except my friend Alina in Australia
Are you an early-bird or last-minute holiday shopper? A little bit of both. I pick up a few gifts before, but most are done in that last 2-3 day timeframe
If you shop in stores...big chain stores or smaller specialty stores? Smaller stores, definitely
Wrap gifts yourself or have them wrapped at the store or mall? Wrap myself, that's one expense that could go to another gift
Shopping on *Black Friday* (day after Thanksgiving)...did you or didn't you? No, too many people.
Is your holiday gift list large or small? Medium
Is it better to give or to receive? Did you know the Dead Sea is such because it takes and never gives? I ain't mad at the Dead Sea