What I learned (again) this past week: Just because someone tells you that they love you doesn't mean that they mean it or that they will be loving towards you. I also learned (again) that I am stronger than I previously thought so screw you who tried to break me down. Quitters never win.

I have decided that I am very unhappy. I don't know why and I am sure that's why I keep drawing all of this negative stuff into my life. I need to find peace and joy again and I just don't know how. Unfortunatel my family has to bear this burden with me. That old saying, "If momma's not happy ain't nobody happy" is very true. My daughter justs wants to go outside and play to get away from me. I think I caught my husband calling hotels getting rates, even my 1 year old is preferring others to me. Only my Bubba is wanting to hang out with me. I love that kid. I knew there was a reason I kept him.

It seems as if everyone is doing this meme, so I might as well too. I am to name 5 idiosyncrasies of mine.

idiosyncrasy: a peculiarity of constitution or temperament : an individualizing characteristic or quality

1. I am a very picky eater. There are very few foods that I actually like and some of my tastes are wierd. I love ketchup, but hate tomatoes. Will eat oranges, but I can't stand orange juice. Love relish, not so crazy about pickles. Drives my husband crazy.
2. I have to sleep with one foot sticking out. Preferably the right one.
3. Except when I'm pregnant, I rarely remember my dreams. The ones I do remember are almost like memories of actual experiences and not dreams. And I can count on my hands the number of dreams I can remember from childhood to present day.
4. I have an abnormal adversion to fish. The taste, smell, touch, sight of fish (and really anything that lives in water) makes my skin crawl. I can barely even look at a picture of a fish.
5. I love to smell my husband's skin and do it every chance I get.

The governor of my fair state of Ohio made history yesterday becoming the first sitting governor to be convicted of a crime. Taft, great grandson to the president, caught 4 ethics charges. His apology sounds good, but not many people around Ohio is buying it. Many are wanting him to step down. I want him gone because I'm still bitter about the marriage act thing. Yes, I carry grudges.

Aliens have invaded my house and have stolen all but 4 of my forks. I searched under sofas, behind dressers, beneath cabinets, no forks. How can they just disappear like that? It wouldn't have any thing to do with my husband taking leftovers for lunch and coming home empty handed, would it? That's grounds for divorce I'm sure. I like the alien theory better.

I love my husband. I honestly do, but sometimes he can be such a man.

This housewife thing is not working for me. God bless every woman that stays home with her children because I just can't do it. It is driving me bonkers. I have worked since I was 14 years old and now to just give that sense of accomplishment up is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's funny because I always said that I wanted to stay home with my children and now that I am I want to run away. So I think that I may stay home until the baby is born and then go back after the first of the year. D-man (my husband) really wants me to stay home, but I think he's beginning to see that it's driving my crazy and he already puts up with enough of my crap, he's not liking crazy on top of it.

My daughter started school on Monday. It sucked. Mostly because the public schools don't start for another 2 weeks, so she's hating going while all her friends are still sleeping in and playing late. I have to buy her all new uniforms because she has outgrown everything from last year. I was going to wait until my husbands next paycheck, but she doesn't even have a weeks worth of stuff that fits. She's at that age I guess. Last year I had to buy new uniforms mid-term because she outgrew everything I had brought at the beginning of the year. We had the boob debate. I say she'll be poking out in less than 6 months, my husband's in denial. He just can't handle the idea of her growing up. I don't like it much either. I want her to remain my sweet little girl forever.

It's a boy! Again. I had another ultrasound yesterday and we saw boy parts just as clear as day. So my daughter is disappointed. Oh well. Now we are thinking of names. I guess Maya is out, huh? My husband wants an Italian name, but there will be no Vinnie's running around my house. Any suggestions for an male Italian name?

Would it be mean for me to say that I am so sick and tired of hearing about these women who go of missing? How about acting responsibly? I had this discussion years ago with a friend. She thinks that a woman should be able to walk down a dark alley butt naked with no worries of being harassed. She's right. Any woman should. Just like I should be able to slap stupid people who dare talk in my presence, string my kids up by their toes when they irk me, tell my husband to screw himself when he pisses me off, or permantely disable bad drivers insuring they will never again get behind the wheel of a car. I should be able to randomly weed out the wierdos from the human race any way I see fit. I should be able to beat my ex beyond recognition. I should be able to go where I want, wear what I want, say what I want, do what I want; however, I have chosen to live in a society. Therefore I must abide by certain rules. Unfortunately there's always a flip side. Our society has in it people who don't care about the laws of the land, these are the people we must protect ourselves from. So while a woman should be able to walk down any street or alley naked, would it be wise for her to? Is it wise to go to Aruba and get intoxicated and "party" with a bunch of locals? Goddess bless the family of that girl, but enough already. Can we move on to a different story? Hasn't some other white girl come up missing that we can talk about for awhile? I'm sick of hearing her name.

Rest in peace Bill Moss. The children of Columbus will miss your loud voice speaking up on their behalf.

I've heard it said that the first 2 years of a marriage is the hardest. I'm here to testify that that is the truth, but it is so worth it. As much as that man drives me crazy, I couldn't imagine not having him around. I had to walk out the room in order not to pop him upside his stubborn head this morning. I don't understand people who give up so quickly, barring drugs, abuse or adultery. Don't they remember why they got married in the first place? I talked to an old friend yesterday. She was my vice-president in college of the Black Student Union. I haven't talked to her in years and she told me she was married for less than 2 years. We promised to get together for lunch or something and I can't wait to hear why she divorced so soon. For the life of me I just don't understand it.