For further information, consult God. --Ashleigh Brilliant

Friday, April 27, 2007

Just a bunch of random thoughts:

As technology in cell phones advances, I've begun to like people less and less.

We had tornado warnings in my state last night. I hate when that happens, not because of the bad weather, but because they interrupt my TV shows. I only watch Heroes, Jeopardy and The Office faithfully, so of course it was The Office that I missed last night. The weather guy on a different channel only came on with updates during commercials, but of course, my local NBC station had to do non-stop coverage even though they had nothing new to report. Such is my life.

But of course, they promised that they will re-broadcast the shows because they know it's one of their most watched nights, but am I going to up at 2am to watch it?

I just don't understand why some Black people think "that word" could ever be an affectionate term.

I used to be amazed how Victoria Rowell had a child that was lily white, that is until I had one of my own, and I'm even darker than she is. I always get the "is he yours?" question, even from medical professionals.

Growing up I hated my oldest sister and adored my middle sister, now that I'm grown, it's slowly becoming the opposite.

I hate people who have no children, yet are full of advice on how you should raise yours. Or even worse, people whose kids are clearly Satan's spawn having an opinion on how you should parent yours.

I just don't see myself ever really hanging out with people who call Kool-Aid by Grape or Cherry. The proper terms are purple and red.

Remember when Kool-Aid was 10 for a $1? Those were the days.

Summer is my season. I like it hot, but it's hard to stomach people complaining about the rain, when it's Spring. When you live in a climate with 4 distinct seasons like Ohio, isn't that when it's supposed to rain?

I'm down with breastfeeding. I tried to nurse all of my children, but I got my own boobs to look at. And truth be told, mine are prettier than yours, so if you must nurse your child in public, try not to share so much with me and my kids, deal?

I'm sure most people could care less, but for us locals (especially those of us that ate there for lunch or got our coffee fix in the morning often), it was a sad day when they closed the original Wendy's. It was the first one, man. Y'all couldn't save that for the historical value? If only Dave was still alive.

Doncha just hate people who feel as if the only way they can prove what they believe is to discredit what you believe?

How are we going to end this war in Iraq?

With gas around $3/gallon, why are people still driving to the corner store?

I ride the bus to work and for the past couple of days, a lady has been bumming cigarettes off people. If haven't been able to afford your own pack in 2 days, shouldn't you consider a less expensive habit?

I'm not ashamed to admit that over the years I've had some addictions. Cigarettes (I might still grab a smoke now and again), men (and he truly was not worth the energy), caffeine(I get headaches when I try to go without), but my latest addiction? Peanut M&Ms. This time I think it's serious.

Back in the day I used to write poetry, she's one of the reasons why.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Don't you just hate mommy blogs that are full of pictures of their kids, especially when their kids are not so cute? I know you're supposed to say that all kids are cute, but some of you know what I'm talking about, right?



Monday, April 23, 2007

Oh.my.goodness. Heroes come on tonight. I'm twitching in my panties just thinking about it.


I ran across this page that had a video that brought back some memories. As you may or may not know, my husband is white. Despite that fact, I love, love, love me a brotha. Angie Stone says it all.


Nothing to blog about about so I'm just having a little fun today.

1. FIRST NAME? I go by "ebony" online. I share my real name with a former president's daughter.
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I am the only one of my siblings not named after someone
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last week and it felt good.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No. Everyone says that it's neat, but I think it could be better
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Honey ham. I like it sweet.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I most certainly would. I think I'm an incredible person.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, but I've been slacking on writing in it.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Heck no. I like living too much than to take unnecessary chances like that.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Boo Berry, hard to find, but worth it.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I don't even think I own shoes that tie.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Going through a nasty separation and raising 4 kids alone while being pregnant with #5, are you kidding? I can kick butt.
14. SHOE SIZE? 10W and they get wider with every child
15. RED OR PINK? I dislike pink.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I try to hard to get people to understand where I'm coming from. Sometimes you just have to accept that they may never "get it".
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandma. She's awesome.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? No thanks. But if you post to your blog, let me know so I can read your answers.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black pants, green sweater and black shoes. Proper work attire.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? A ham sub from Subway.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The radio. Faith Hill, I think.
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Vanilla.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? A client for work, a social worker for my sister was the last non work related call.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? Sure, I just swiped it off a blog I visited.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Black Cherry Vanilla Coke.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? I don't get into sports, but if I had to chose it would be basketball.
29. EYE COLOR? dark brown.
30. HAT SIZE? Don't wear hats. They mess up the 'fro.
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Usually, but I lost one and I haven't been able to get a new pair.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. I love it hot.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who's doing the hugging or the kissing.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? I don't usually eat dessert, but I like homemade chocolate chip cookies.
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? The Bible, The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury and The Power of a Praying Mother by Stormie Omartian.
41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? Work logo.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? I started to watch the Simpsons and the whole Fox line-up but I fell asleep. I get bored with TV easily.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? My kids laughter. Corney, but true.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Typically neither, but there are a couple of Beatle songs I can get into.
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Only my husband and a couple of others know.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Columbus, Ohio.



Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I am an infomation junkie. If something catches my attention, I become obsessed with learning as much about it as I possibly can. My latest kick is Scientology. Seeing as how I'm pregnant, I like the concept of a silent birth. When I first heard about it (with the whole Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise fiasco)I thought it was crazy, but then I learned that it's something I might be interested in. Despite many blog posts about it, silent birth is when every one in the room except the mother has to shut the f up. I'm down with that. I'm never so irritated as when I'm in pain and people want to talk to me and ask stupid questions, and when you're trying to squeeze another human being out of your nether regions every question is a stupid question. So can anyone recommend any good web sites that talk about Scientology? Please don't waste your time telling me about sites that just say they are all kooks, I'm not actually believing aliens where blown up in a volcano, I just like to stretch my mind and learn about different topics. Thanks
'Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. Begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with old nonsense.'
--Ralph Waldo Emerson



Monday, April 16, 2007

I had a rough week-end and a lot of time to think. I'm going to being some housecleaning. It's time that certain people be eliminated from my life. I got enough baggage without carrying theirs too.
'Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. Begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with old nonsense.'
--Ralph Waldo Emerson



Thursday, April 12, 2007

I really do have the coolest kids in the world. My 16-month old just loves to be in my presense and always has the biggest open-mouthed smile for me. He will visit me without fail every week when I'm in a home wearing diapers again. My 2 year old likes to take care of me, but as an afterthought. He'll visit every other week provided he doesn't have a hot date, but at least he'll call. My 5 year will be the one to take care of me. He'll know all the nurses by name, bring me books and magazines and enlist his church to put me on the visiting list. My daughter, my Lady Day, she's so cool. I have a lot of pelvic pain with every pregnancy and this one's no different. Sometimes I walk like an 85 year old woman after she's downed a few, it's that bad. The other day, I get up after sitting for awhile walking like granny and my sweet 5 year old asks what's wrong. I tell him that my "stuff" hurts, and my lovely Lady Day says, "That's what you get for keep getting pregnant." Yeah, she'll visit me twice a year. Christmas and her birthday to pick up those gifts.



Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I don't usually post about important life stuff because I'm not a writer and I feel others can say it a lot more eloquently than me. I cannot however let this Imus thing pass. He has tried in vain to justify what he said, but there is just no justifying it. I've heard few comment that the word 'ho is used all the time in the black community, especially in song. This is true, but is it ever in a positive way? Is Snoop rapping about wanting to marry that 'ho, or is he commenting on her sexual abilities? And how could that in any possible way be translated into a compliment about a group of women pursuing a college education displaying their athletic abilities on a basketball court? So instead of Imus talking about the black kids in his camp, maybe he can explain that to us? Then I can explain how 10% is only 10 out of 100 of the kids in that camp are black and those numbers are nice, but not really so impressive.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I'm like an addict and Heroes is my crack. I don't know if I can wait 2 more weeks.

Monday, April 09, 2007

My oldest boy is five today. Of all my kids, I always say that he will be the one to take care of me when I'm old and in diapers again. I am such a proud mommy. A friend took us to breakfast yesterday and she kept commenting that she couldn't believe that he's only 5 because he seems older, more mature. He was born at a difficult time in my life and I often think of him as my knight in shining armor. I can only pray that I can be as good a mommy as he deserves.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a catepiller.
--Trina Paulus
My oldest sister is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and my middle sister has been cancer free for about 2 years now. How could I not participate in the Sister Study? If you have a sister who's been diagnosed with breast cancer you should participate too.



Tuesday, April 03, 2007

"Sometimes things don't go the way we feel they should. Maybe it's because something we never dreamed about is going to happen."
~ Flavia Weedn

Monday, April 02, 2007

I don't usually post entire articles I've read, but how many times have you said, "If only I knew then what I know now?"

Top 10 Signs of An Abusive ManBy: Stephany Alexander
Abusive men are often survivors of abuse themselves. Signs of an abusive man can range from emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Frequently an emotionally abusive man is also a verbally abusive man or a combination of all abuse types. A sign of an abusive man can usually be found after a few dates if you pay attention, ask a lot of questions and do some investigating into his past.
Abusive relationships are characterized by control games, violence, jealousy and withholding sex and emotional contact. An emotionally abusive man is harder to pin-point and a skilled, abusive man can easily make you think you aren’t good enough or that everything is your fault. It is just as difficult to recover from emotional abuse as it is from physical abuse. Emotional abuse causes low self-esteem and depression. An abusive man may tell you he loves you or that he will change, so you won’t leave. However, the more times you take him back, the more control he will gain. Empty promises become the norm. Make sure you pay attention to his actions and not merely his words. As the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Abusive relationships are never abusive in the beginning. If they were, women would dump the abusive men immediately in search of a good man.
According to the American Psychological Association Force on Violence and Family, over 4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner each year! Who can forget when heavy-weight champ Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington and sentenced to six years in prison. Tyson served three years before being released on parole. Thereafter, he married Robin Givens but they divorced on Valentine’s Day only a year later because Givens claimed Tyson abused her. Abusive behavior touches all ranges of society.
We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out.
1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
(When I experienced this I took it as a sign that he really loved me. Why else would he be jealous unless he cared? --ebony)

2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
(Exerting independence was the end of my most abusive relationship. He didn't want to control everything, but he did have to be the center of my attention. --ebony)

3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.

4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.

5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.

6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.

7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.

8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.

9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless.

10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.

If you continue to stay in an abusive relationship because you think he will change and start treating you well, think again. An abusive man does not change without long-term therapy. Group counseling sessions are particularly helpful in helping abusive men recognize their abusive patterns. Type A personality types seem to be more prone to abusive behavior due to their aggressive nature. Drugs and alcohol can create or further escalate an abusive relationship. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are excellent programs for an addict. The abuser’s partner should also seek help for their codependent behavior at Codependents Anonymous.
If the abusive man is not willing to seek help, then you must take action by protecting yourself and any children involved by leaving. By staying in an abusive relationship you are condoning it. If you are scared you won’t be able to survive because of finances, pick up the phone book and start calling shelters. Try calling family, friends and associates and ask them if they can help or know of ways to help. Once you leave, the abuser may cry and beg for forgiveness but don’t go back until you have spoken to his counselor and he has completed long-term therapy successfully. Be prepared for the abuse to increase after you leave because the abuser has lost control.
(I stayed with a friend of my mother's because I knew my ex didn't have her number or address, and I ended up having to get a restraining order against him, which he violated many times. In fact, a couple of years later and despite the fact that he's living with someone else, he is on bail and awaiting trial for violating it again. They do not give up control easily. --ebony)
The Bureau of Justice Statistics states that on the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day so please be careful. If you partner is not willing to seek help for his abusive behavior, your only option is to leave.

Article by:
Stephany Alexander is a relationship expert and CEO/Founder of WomanSavers.com - The World's Largest Database Rating Men. She holds a degree in Communications and is the author of the book Sex, Lies and the Internet.