For further information, consult God. --Ashleigh Brilliant

Friday, October 28, 2005

I have been going back and forth: happy, sad, happy, sad. Considering the way my life has been progressing of late I think it's pretty normal, but I'm tired of this roller coaster of emotions. Then the craziest thing happened. I turned 35. I honestly never thought I would make it this long, but I did and you know what was so great? In between puking (what fun to be sick on my birthday), my kids gave me cards that they drew themselves and dirty well-loved stuffed animals as gifts. My son has insisted that I sleep with the one he gave my every night since. How can I be sad for too long when I have the greatest kids in the world. Every single day they tell me that they love me with no prodding from me, they always want to be under me. They love me. To hell with the rest of the world, I got 3 wonderful blessings that I don't even deserve, and awaiting my 4th. Who could ask for anything more?

Monday, October 17, 2005

My husband and I have separated. His drinking is just out of control. I have been so busy scrambling around to find a job that I haven't had time to do much of anything. Being 6 months pregnant doesn't help the job search much. People say they don't discriminate, but how willing would you be to hire someone who will be needing to be replaced in a few short months? So I have entered the temp world. It's actually not that bad. I did it once before and the flexiblity is good for working around doctor's appointments, court dates, etc. Now I'm just struggling with the big question of whether or not this will be a permanent separation or not. A lot of it depends on whether or not my husband hops back on the wagon, but a lot of it depends on me too and I just don't know. I have to let go of this anger of begin left (even though I made him move out) with 3 kids, pregnant and no job. In the back of my mind, I knew that no matter how long he's been sober, there was always the chance that he would go back. I babysat for a lady whose husband was sober for 18 years and started drinking again, but after awhile you do get comfortable and start taking the sobriety for granted. That was my mistake, but I'm still pissed.